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Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME:
DATE OF BIRTH:
HEIGHT:
WEIGHT:
I.Q:
G.P.A.:
SOCIAL SECURITY #:
DRIVERS LICENSE #:
BOY SCOUT RANK:
HOME ADDRESS:
CITY/STATE:
ZIP CODE:
Do you have one MALE
and one FEMALE parent?		 Yes
NO
IF NO, EXPLAIN:
Number of years your parents have been married:
Do you own a van? Yes
NO
A truck with oversized tires? Yes
NO
A waterbed? Yes
NO
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? Yes
NO
A tattoo? Yes
NO
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
In 50 words or lest, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
Church you attend:
How often do you attend: DAILY
WEEKLY
MONTHLY
YEARLY
Who's God?
I am a heathen bastard.
When would be the best time
to interview your father, mother
and priest/rabbi/minister?
Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
If I were shot the last
place on my body I would
want wounded is:
If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
A woman's place is in the:
The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her:
(NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
What do you want to be IF you grow up?
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back!)

SUBMIT

NOTICE: Hitting SUBMIT will allow the owner of this site to use your cellular phone to track you via GPS. Don't even think about going to the bar.